Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Lesson, lessons, lessons

Lately, I have been looking outside to get ,y approval, my self-esteem and my kudos. I have been told over the years that I need to learn to love myself. What does that mean? How does that look?

I have also been told that I need to let others help take care of me. That ain't going to happen! I learned a long time ago that you can't depend on others, so I will do it myself, thank you very much.

You may begin to see where the title is appropriate. I got hit with a cosmic 2X4 recently and I am just now getting back. In my world, the Universe will tap me on the shoulder and whisper into my ear that I need to pay attention to what is going on and learn the lesson.

If I do not listen, then I get a cosmic slap up side the head and hear "pay attention!"

If I still continue on my merry way and do not make any changes, then out comes the baseball bat.

Well, I still did not hear it and thus I got hit harder than I have ever been hit with reality. Thus, the cosmic 2X4 and suddenly I became teachable! Wonder of wonders!

I had to ask people for help, and I had to accept it with grace and dignity. I had to walk outside my fears of rejection and disappointment and let my friends hold me up when I was no longer able.

So much came out of this lesson, that I am still processing it. However, I can say in all honesty, that I have no problem asking for help anymore! And, when I am open, people will always amaze me with their kindness and generosity.

I don't know why I am surprised, I am kind and generous, why would I have friends who are not the same? Like I said, lessons, lessons, lessons. More about my journey to loving myself later.

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